F**kulty
Date created: 3rd September 2013 ''Status: SCENE. An attempt to develop the teachers... ha. '' Synopsis: The teachers have a very very, err, not serious meeting to improve the completely crap school. PART 1 FADE IN INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE - MORNING Jeremy Jameson: Alright everyone! It has come to my attention that we haven’t had a staff meeting, since, well, never! Penelope Taker: What a surprise. Jeremy: So! Has anyone got any suggestions for anything that needs improving? Fixing? Scrapping all together?? Gary Alten: Um, referring to what exactly? Because, well, I’ve been considering having my music classes in the auditorium (smiles). So the music can echo off the walls. Would be great, no? Penelope: No. Patricia Felly: OOOOH I KNOW! How about I have MY classes in the school kitchens? Maybe the students could even cook their own food!… though they may poison it all, but haha, you know what kids are like. Adorable little blighters aren’t they? Do you have children Milly?? I don’t recall you ever mentioning. Mildred Hendrin: I’m afraid I don’t. Nor do I really plan to… Patricia: Ooooh you really should Milly! They’re so wonderful! I plan to have more someday!! Penelope: I thought you looked fatter than usual (drinks water) Jeremy: Alright! (scribbles notes) Gary possibly moving Music classes to Auditorium, Pat possibly having cookery in kitchen! Patricia: OH! NO! Actually, it seems a very bad idea Jeremy (nervous laugh) like I said, poison and all. Jeremy: Ah! Of course, hahaha. Though you COULD have your most trustworthy students do us some cooking, now couldn’t you?? Will be splendid!! Mildred: I, for one, really don’t want my food handled by-by STUDENTS! Lord knows where their hands have been! Penelope: I know exactly where their hands have been. Down their f**king pants during my lessons. Jeremy: Wonderful! We’ll have them make our lunch tomorrow! (notes down) Mildred, Penelope and Pat exchanges glances. Patricia: B-but! Penelope: Don’t even bother. Someone knocks on the office’s door; Zachary Bailin comes in. Zak: I miss anything? Zak lights a cigarette and sits down. Mildred: Not really. But we are to be treated to possibly poisoned, over- handled lunch courtesy of greasy, unhygienic students tomorrow… Zak: Another day in paradise (subtle smile) Jeremy: Ah Zachary! Any suggestions for us?? Gary: (clears throat) Um, isn’t smoking on the premises not allo- Zak turns, puffing a cloud of smoke at Gary, who splutters and coughs everywhere. Zak: Oh. Sorry Gary… you allergic? (sits back) Gary: No I just (cough)… well, maybe that’s something we should consider (cough) Jeremy. Perhaps a smoking ban, smoking areas and such? Jeremy: (still taking notes) Smoking… ban… areas… and… such… Wonderful idea Gary!! We can have areas for the people who don’t smoke! Allowing those who do to smoke wherever they want!! Gary: W-w-what?? NO, um, I said- Penelope: If you expect him to listen, you’re mad. Patricia: (looks around) Any idea where Dale and Becca are?? I saw them earlier in the halls, I’m sure… but they are sweet little love birds aren’t they?! Ooooh, young love! So precious. Penelope: Depending what your definition of “young love” is, then yes. Patricia: What do you mean Penny?? (blinks) Penelope: I prefer Penelope (snarls). And you know damn well what I mean. Students here are having sex before they’re falling in love. Same applies to the f**king teachers. Patricia: (gasp) You mean Dale and Becca have-?!??!? Becca swiftly comes in the office door, looking quite flustered. Becca: Sorry I’m late!… Was, um, busy. Penelope exchanges a glance with Pat. Pat looks horrified. Jeremy: Aah Becca Becca! Sit down! We have much to discuss!! Penelope: Like what? Her love life? Becca: What, sorry? Penelope: Nothing, fresh face. Becca: (giggles) Oh thank you… I’ve been using this great moisturizer lately and it really- Mildred: Jacob!! What ARE you doing??? Jacob is on the floor with his empty glass. He shushes them all. Jacob: I saw… the most beautiful… arachnid for my collection!… it was bright red… now where’s it gone?? Gary: A-arachnid? You mean a- Patricia: SPIDEEEEEEERRRRERRR!! AAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!!! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT!!!! Patricia picks up the nearest book and flings it on top of the spider. They hear a slight squish sound… Jacob: Oh Paaaat!! I really wanted that one! Penelope face palms. Zak: It wouldn’t have killed us Pat. Poor thing. Patricia: S-sorry Jacob! I just really REALLY hate those things!… Haha, guess it’s just impulse throwing something heavy at them… Mildred: Why on EARTH do you collect spiders anyway?? Jacob: They’re gorgeous! And oh so tickly! Try having a few on your arms! So fun! They all glare at him… Jeremy clears his throat. Jeremy: SO! As we were saying, ah, I think we were… you know I can’t even remember who or what we were talking about! HAHAHAHA!! Penelope: We were talking about firing you. Jeremy: Great idea Penelope!! (writes) Fire… me… aaaah you sly girl you! Nice try, haha! Penelope: Took you long enough to realize (rolls eyes) Gary: Um where’s, oh what’s his name? Sorry. The new Algebra teacher?? Becca: Oh! Mr Macaroni?! Penelope: Karostocani… CUT TO Reveleo Karostocani face-desking his, err, desk, surrounded by 7 empty vodka bottles. He groans then someone knocks at his classroom door. Category:Practice episodez Category:Episodez